Humble Pie

I have been given a big taste of humble pie this past week. I have six children and I am the full time care provider for a seventh, and I have often been told things like, "You are amazing." "I don't know how you do it!" "You are super woman!" While these comments boosted my ego a little, they also made me feel a bit like I had to hold it all together and put out this appearance of being able to manage all these children well and do it with grace, style and a smile on my face!! I'm not sure what appearance I put out to people, but just recently, the facade has been chipping away very slowly, and just this week almost crumbled completely. Through a series of circumstances that are still in the works, I am beginning to realize that I do not have it all together and I am not as amazing as people think, I can't do it all (at least not alone!), and I certainly am not superwoman!! I find it a bit comforting, but also a bit embarassing that God has chosed to get my attention finally by allowing me to almost have an anxiety attack because I am just plain trying to do it all. I am learning that I cannot do it all, and that just possibly God is not asking me to do it all (which is something He is trying to show me even as I write this). I have been under the false (at least I am hoping at this point!!) assumption that He is asking me to do it all, and I am finding myself emotionally, physically and mentally not able to. Yet at the same time, I am feeling so guilty because I feel like I should be able to do it all and hold it all together for everyone, because that is what a good follower of Jesus would do. I have the Holy Spirit in me, so I should be able to do anything! Jesus laid down his life for me, so I should do it for others, and the Bible commands us to bear one another's burdens. But what happens when doing all of that becomes too much for someone? Does that mean I am not relying on the Holy Spirit enough? Or is it possible that perhaps it is time for me to let other people help me carry the burden for others...the burden has become too much for me to bear alone, and now it is just time to share the burden with other brothers and sisters in Christ? Maybe God is not asking me to bear this burden alone anymore. I just need to hear that it is time for me to share the burden because that is the right thing to do at this point. For some reason, though, I need people (like my husband and good friends) to tell me that it is OK and not wrong for me to share this burden, and that I do not need to do this alone anymore. For so long I felt like my husband really thought that I need to keep bearing this burden, and that made it so hard for me to think objectivley about this. But I am truly hoping that God is in this decision. Either way, I am seeing that I cannot hold life together for everyone, I cannot do it all, and I totally need the help of my good friends, my husband, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and the Holy Spirit's power to even function as I should! The facade is crumbled, and I am at ground zero, exactly where God needs me to be to get my attention back onto Him, and it forces me to rely 100% on Him for anything! I guess I'd rather be a mess who needs to rely on Him completely than a person who appears to have it together, but is relying on myself.